Every morning, I feel I'm mourning that the morning is here...

I really need to reset my sleeping habits. The weekend is here, I have no clue as to what I should do---other than all the school work i've been flaking on. I was so diligent earlier last semester. Now I can barely make all my classes. What is that?

About Me
~ Basic Info ~
Name(Nickname):	Tete
Gender:	female
Birthday:	2/16
P.O.B:	Del a Where?
Location Now:	South ORange
Ethnicity:	Nigerian
Religion:	rosicrucian
Occupation:	student
Marital Status:	its complicated..
Famliy:	2 brothers, parents---a whole slew of "adopted" family members
Hobbies:	Tarot, Singing, Writing, fandom, video games, reading, dorky things
Interests:	chemistry, spiritualism, meditation, labyrinths, children, rugby
Talents:	singing, piano, sax, songwriting...score composition, making people laugh
Goals:	med school, write a novel, compose a film score, release an album, master bassoon
Fears:	failure, rape, dying alone, fear itself
Weaknesses:	chocolate, sex, cute boys, sparkly things....being too hard on myself
Strenghts:	Inability to stay angry, helping people
Do you...Drink:	probably too much
Smoke:	not any more
Drive:	at home
Believe in...Love:	i'm not entirely sure
Magic:	yes
Are you a vegetarian?:	for the most part
Can you keep a secret?:	yes
Do you have secret(s)?:	many
Around you close friends you are...:	silly, jovial, open, bubbly even
Around strangers you are...:	leery, unsmiling, almost standoffish
Describe yourself in a few words::	out of my mind
~ Appearance ~
Height:	6'0"
Body Type:	thick
Natural hair color:	brown
Hair now (Dyed/Highlighted?):	brown
Hair Length:	brushes the nape of my neck, but weave is a wonderful thing
Natural eye color:	brown
Color Contacts?:	yeah, green
Glasses/Contacts:	both
Tattos:	no
Piercings:	thinking bout getting a tongue ring
Accessories hard to part from:	triquetra and pentacle necklaces
Clothing Style:	any where from goth to preppy...depends on my mood and whether ive done my laundry
~ Favorites ~
Band:	Dresden Dolls, Nirvana
Singer:	Fiona Apple
CD:	Requiem for a Dream Sound track
Song:	Sing-- Dresden Dolls
Music genre:	Good music
Movie:	Beauty and the Beast
Film genre:	dunno
Actor:	Samuel Jackson
Actress:	Angelina Jolie
Book:	So many good ones...
Author:	Terry Goodkind
Show:	Gundam Wing
Channel:	Cartoon Network
Subject:	Music...
Food:	Fufu and Egusi soup
Drink:	vodka and cranberry...
Season:	fall/early winter
Weather:	stormy
Jewelry piece:	silver pentacles
Clothing piece:	hoody
Body part (you don't have to be gross;):	on me? erm...my lips
Word:	melancholy
Letter:	X
Animal:	a tie between cats and wolves
Number:	216
Thing to do:	create-- music, stories, life
Place to be:	in water
Person/People to be with:	those who know me well--and still love me
~ This/That ~
Late Night/Day Time:	night
Gold/Silver:	silver
Mountain/Beach:	beach
Ocean/Pool:	ocean
Live Action/Animation:	animation
Fantasy/Reality:	fantasy
Book/Movie:	book
Simple/Complicated:	complicated
Casual/Formal:	casual
Crowd/Loner:	loner
Romantic Night In/Wild Night Out:	both
Warm/Cold:	warm
Dark/Light:	dark
Day/Night:	night
Walk/Ride:	walk
Health Food/Junk Food:	a bit of both
Seek Revenge/Make Peace:	wash my hands of the matter
Health/Beauty:	loaded question
Fiction/Non-Fiction:	fiction
Bully/Be Bullied:	neither
Modern/Classic:	classic
Kill/Be Killed:	probably kill
Country/City:	the country is so much prettier
Outcast/Popularity:	popular outcast
Work Alone/Work in Group:	work alone
Dog/Cat:	cat
Live Wealthy/ Live Comfortably:	comfortably wealthy
Natural Causes/Freak Accident:	natural causes
Love/Money:	love
Kiss/Hug:	kiss
Black/White:	black
Be Nice/Be Right:	be right
Noise/Quiet:	quiet
Friends/Lovers:	friends--lovers come and go
Book Smarts/Street Smarts:	both
Friends First/Date First:	friends first
Flaws/Perfection:	flaws--perfection is intimidating
Rated R/Rated G:	R
Extrovert/Introvert:	Intro
Eat In/Take Out:	Eat in
Angel/Devil:	Angel
Water/Soda:	Water
Coffee/Tea:	Tea
Coke/Pepsi:	bleck, neither
TV/Radio:	Radio
Love/Lust:	Love
Email/Write Letter:	Write letter
Talk/IM:	IM
Pencil/Pen:	pen
Fur/Faux:	fur feels better, but you feel so guilty
Rich/Poor:	rich
Manual Labor/Technological Labor(Robots):	robots are more efficient
House/Apartment:	house
Stay/Go:	where?
Emo/Gangster:	gangster
Make-up/Naked Face:	naked face
Plaid/Floral:	plaid
Good-bye/Later:	later
Take this survey | Find more surveys Bzoink - The Original Survey Site

Performing an experiment, to prove or disprove a theory. The outcome could be really helpful, or profoundly bad. But that is what science is about--taking the risk to find out. I think I'm ready. Perhaps I should blog my results? Nah. I'll log the data elsewhere.

Id been doing well. Over a month since my last flashback. I thought I'd be okay with perhaps watching a single episode of SVU. Terrible error in judgement, but I dont want to leave so suddenly, I need to get over this. One step at a time, right?

The smiles are gone. Oh well, it was nice when while it lasted. I've been playing piano all day. My hands hurt. Only God can be sure why I'm typing. My recital is Sunday, Dec 9th 2pm in Jubilee Auditorium. If youre one of the 2 people who read this....you should go. Even if its to laugh at my feeble attempts of being musical!

I'm not emo, not really. It's an odd mood. Its movie-esque. The melodic, usually piano based part in the score. Normally played right before something tragic happens. Almost melancholic, but still major---not yet crossing into the darker, minor tone. So its like I'm on the cusp of a bad mood. Should probably retract into shell, to avoiding hurting and/or maiming the few people who hang out with me :-D

Not so smiley :-/

Love me!

And I'm all smiles :-)

A good day, a good night. :-)
Sickness is slowly fading, which is good. I feel that girlish giddiness only found in movies, or perhaps in the sweeter moments of life. The ones that take your breath away...I wasn't completely breathless, but the onset was obvious. It's a start.

Smiles, dimples, angel kisses, unicorns, rainbows, glitter, lip gloss, laughter, friends, marshmallows, secret eating, shoes....happy sighs. :-)


Never lie, steal, cheat, or drink. But if you must lie, lie in the arms of the one you love. If you must steal, steal away from bad company. If you must cheat, cheat death. And if you must drink, drink in the moments that take your breath away.

Well then. I guess it was God's way of telling me I wont be better in time for Six Flags--the tickets were sold out. Now the only thing I have to look forward to is this Chem Midterm. Whoopty Friggin Doo. Still sick. There is a slew of things that have gone wrong, but they are insignificant. There are some people I will never understand, but its alright. I realize that in six months it wont matter, or on a grander scale---If I died, no one would remember it anyhow. It makes difficult situations easier, when you know that they're rather miniscule in the grand scheme.

But this poses another, perhaps a more important notion: What really is important? I dont mean to get existential, but really....everything does seem insignificant....flatulance in the wind, if oyu will. We could just be a virus in some beings biological process, wouldn't that be wild?

None of it changes the fact that I have my first midterm tomorrow, I cant sleep. I cant focus enough to study. And if I fail it, I dishonor my family.


*deep breath*

no pressure.

Sore throat. Mojitos. Tired. Batman Begins. Aching Cough.


It evens out....i'll be going home, 'homecoming weekend' how cute.


I will be better by six flags.


It must be perfect


<3

My first paper....A-
My first calc test 90

I'm taking seton hall by the haunches and humping it into submission!



Giggidy!

Coccoon emergence
damp skin, hair
fresh, new, unbreathed air
Light, warmth
Ressurection
Prepared to soar


Oh dear, I forgot to dry my wings.

I did no work over the weekend. Guilty conscience woke me up at 830--I did my calc homework, and a page and a half of my english paper. Ive got a nice mechanism going, so perhaps writing the rest of it after class wont be too bad. *yawns*

Boys are silly.


My laundry is going rise up and revolt

Nap time

"Sonata Pathetique / Daniels Recital" on Google Video
OMG! My teacher wants me to play this by december. Hopefully December of 2010.

Smile...its the one lie you can get away with :-)

Haven't had any sleep walking problems lately, but I also haven't had more than 4 hours of sleep at a time since Wednesday. Christopher managed to provoke a barrage of unwanted thoughts and memories, etc. The baby's not in the hospital, I miss the little one--how he'd mistakenly call me "Mama" or be unsure of how many times to use the syllable "Te." (tetetetetetetete!) My little JJ the Jet Plane--too cute for words.

I loathe mornings. Gray, wet, cold. I normally love the rain, and the coloring that accompanies it--however, not today. Perhaps if there was a twinge of sunlight, I'd be motivated to stay awake. (Somehow I doubt that.)


::ponderment::

There is comfort to be found in the simplest things, it's kind of intriguing, it also kind of emphasizes the fact that I have no life. I have to revise my exploratory essay--I didn't do very much exploring in the first draft. My professor wants me to show him the details--instead of spewing bland and distant summations. The subject is so sensitive and tragic, I thought I would spare my audience the grisly details. Perhaps I'm actually trying to spare myself? Only God (and perhaps a therapist)could be sure.

Boys, boys, boys---forever tugging at my fragile heartstrings, they keep this up and one will snap--And I will find a way to be even more disconnected from the rest of the world. John, Christopher, Christopher, Michael.....its not a love triangle---maybe a love pentacle--Appropriate for the little pagan I'm becoming.

Should I go to band? I dont really feel like it--but I want to check on my darling---Stevey Ray Sax. He got injured *tear* But I'll be forced to play that wretched loaner, with that horribly misshapen reed. The sound it makes me want to punch babies.

*rereads entry* Sweet tap dancing Christ, I must be schitzo...Beginning with poetic philosphy, trickling into emo whinage....and punching babies...

People who read this will think I'm crazy.

People who've met me--already know :-D

Keep your happy face on,girl, people wont ask as many questions.

The RAZR cell phone that was destroyed in the last entry has been replaced. New found determination to move on, I think the seed of a crush might have been planted. I can't sure though. Not like it would ever happen. That must be quashed underfoot immediately.

Smile for the camera, girl, people wont even look twice